


Hawayeh - Hobbies

by Mini_Goat



Series: Balderdash [3]
Category: Stargate SG-1, Wormhole X-treme
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Hobbies, Secrets, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 16:43:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20195446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mini_Goat/pseuds/Mini_Goat
Summary: Jack gives Sam a mild heart attack snooping on her silly past times but Sam isn’t the only one with a shameful hobby. Goofy fluff piece with light shippy goodness





	1. Al-Shaar - Hair

**Author's Note:**

> When sitting at a man’s house who you happen to have a huge massive crush on, it is prudent not to do things that make you look silly in front of him. Some days even Sam forgets this particular rule of the game.
> 
> This is the love child of stealing someone else’s idea and a plot bunny gone mad. I didn’t steal someone else’s idea. I was very inspired by a very old story however and flipped it around and then things just got Really out of hand when SuzieQ and I discussed it. If you aren’t here for dorktastic SG1 take a left turn and hit up Alive that is filled with real life type troubles. If you want silly plotless fluff read away my faithful friends and fans. Be warned. This whole story is utter nonsense and self mockery.

**Al-Shaar - Hair**

“Wacha doin Carter?” Jack peered over the top of her lap top at her. She was sitting cross legged jammed into the corner of his couch. Her eyes had taken on a blissful dreamy quality as she clicked away. Team night had gone into overtime so the guys had stayed over to watch the game next day.

“Nothing.” She squeaked and closed the lid quickly.

“Sure…” he said with an amused, and she realized squirming, a flirtatious grin.

“Nope, really, just some light research that’s all.”

“Carter… were you… working?” His face was inches from hers and it was making it extremely difficult to think coherently.

“I was definitely not working. Sir.” She replied automatically. Inching deeper into the corner.

“If I look on your lap top am I going to find you lied to me?” he was definitely enjoying teasing her mercilessly.

“I wouldn’t lie to you sir.” Oh yes I would. I would TOTALLY lie to you without a moment of regret.

“So what WERE you doing then?”

“Um…” Sam searched the room, hoping to catch Teal’c or Daniel’s eye but both were watching the hockey game in apparent male bliss. “Well… that is…”

“Come on Carter. You can tell me.”

Oh no I most definitely cannot tell YOU Jack O’Neill in fact I can tell pretty much anyone on earth except you. Ever. I can tell strangers. I can tell my butcher but I cannot tell YOU. “I was just looking at pictures sir.” Half the truth, Take half the truth and stop asking me PLEASE her mind pleaded as she tried to plaster an innocent expression on her face.

“What of?”

Oh dammit all to hell Jack let it GO. I hate you she thought. “Um… just old TV shows sir.”

“Yah? Which ones?” crap….

“Um… well… nothing in particular.” Something very much exactly in particular you lying liar. “just some stuff from the 80s.” she shrugged pretending nonchalance. Why does he have to smell so good first thing in the morning anyway. It’s not fair.

“Anything I’d like?”

“Oh. Probably not. It doesn’t have any guns or violence in it.”

“Ah. Sit-com huh.” Yes.. go with that. Tell him it’s a sitcom.

“Well, no, not really.” You IDIOT why didn’t you just go with the sitcom?

“Not a sit com but no shooting or violence. Sounds boring.”

"Ah... ha ha… yah. Boring. Very boring. Nothing that would interest you even a little.” Please. Drop. This. Oh my god he smells so damned good. No abort that thought. Abort. ABORT!

He looked at her funny for a moment. “Ok. Have fun with whatever it was.” He smirked and moved away. “Think I’ll go grab a beer. Anyone want something while I’m up?”

“Chips.” Daniel told him.

“I am fine O’Neill.” Teal’c replied.

“Nope, I’m good.” Sam all but squeaked herself.

“Ok.” Jack walked into the kitchen and Sam sagged with relief. I am NEVER doing that at his house ever EVER again. Ever.

If only she knew Jack was standing in the kitchen clutching his sides, laughing silently at what he’d seen on her screen right before she closed it.

That Mac Guywhatever guy except she’d been altering the photo to give him a military hair cut. In grey. He had to admit, it really made the actor look like him. Not quite as good looking but not too shabby. This calls for a beer to celebrate.


	2. Asrar - Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam isn’t the only one with a shameful hobby

**Asrar - Secrets**

“What on earth has you so engrossed?” Daniel asked her? They were sitting in her small living room. He’d been reading an archeology journal while she sat on her couch curled up with her lap top occasionally giggling under her breath.

Sam snorted. “Promise not to laugh at me.” She demanded.

“Why would I laugh at you?”

“Promise.”

“Ok. Ok. I promise not to laugh at you even though you are clearly reading or looking at something funny.”

“Oh you can definitely laugh at what I’m reading. It’s a riot.”

Daniel got up and joined her on the couch so he could look at her screen. “What’s Fan fiction dot net anyways?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. Amateur authors who like to write stories about pop culture characters instead of their own.”

“Why would anyone do that?”

“I have no idea but some of these are really well written. They should have publishers but those aren’t the ones I’m laughing at. Some of these are SOOOoooo bad. Some of it’s the kind of bad that makes you stop reading and other stuff is bad in an entirely different way.”

“Like dirty bad?”

“Some of that too but I mean total cheese factor. There’s this one girl who writes terrible rom-com stories about Wormhole X-treme!.”

“You’re kidding. Seriously? Also how do you know it’s a woman?”

“I don’t but I don’t see a guy writing what amounts to romance novels do you?”

“Probably not. He’d have to be a pretty unusual guy.”

“Exactly so there’s this one author, ‘Danning loves Monroe’ and her stuff is just so bad but it’s funny too. She really gets into the plot. So far she has three stories and they seem to be tying together like she’s writing a whole season of shows.”

“And we are reading this because?” Daniel sounded mystified.

“Go get your laptop. I know you have it in your car. I’ll send you the link to her page and you can get caught up. I’m on the third story and I can’t wait for her to crank out another one.”

“Fine. Ok. But if this is terrible I’m making you buy me coffee for a week.”

“Done and I guarantee it’s totally worth it. Janet has read them too and she said she was in tears laughing after the last one. We can’t figure out if she’s being intentionally funny or the show is just so campy that there’s no hope.”

It took Daniel about half an hour to read all three stories. “How does she NOT know he’s totally in love with her?”

“I know RIGHT?! Like she’s supposed to be so super duper smart and she has zero clue that her team mate is utterly and madly in love and he’s so not at all subtle about it even slightly. He stopped romancing alien women for crying out loud. How is that NOT a hint?”

“All right, you’ve got me hooked. Tag me next time she posts something. I might read a couple of the other ones too. Some of these are really obsessed with some weird slash of Danning and Levant and I really don’t see that one at all.”

“You don’t? Levant is so sweet and he has those pretty puppy dog eyes and Danning is a total alpha. I could see it.”

“Ok, possibly but I’m not reading anything that is DL slash.”

“I think the Danning and Grell slash ones are way less likely. Super butch alpha guy and a giant alien robot I mean come on. That’s just weird.”

“Looks like there’s some Monroe and Levant romance stuff.”

“Go for it but I think they are just too much alike. It reads like sleeping with your sister.”

“Sam. That’s gross.”

She laughed. “That’s fan fiction. People will pick up on ideas that aren’t even remotely there and just run off into the night creating plot bunny havoc galore.”

“Ok, I’m making an account so I can get alerts.” He admitted.

“Good, my user tag is ‘MajorHottie’.”

“You’re kidding.”

She grinned. “Nope.”

“So... lets see... how about… Doctor Henry?”

“Indiana Jones reference. Nice. I like it.”

“Thought you might. Anything else I could think of was classified and with my luck half the nurses are on here and writers.”

“You don’t think DLM is SGC do you?” she looked a little concerned.

“Probably not. I think anyone SGC would probably write something else. Knowing the nurses they probably write about wizards.”

“And aren’t we glad we don’t have to deal with THAT department.”

“Flynn can have it. Our lives are weird enough.”

“Jenkins is so sweet though and just adorable. I could talk to him all day.”

“You and your thing for older guys.”

“I do not have a ‘thing’ for older guys.”

“Sam… You absolutely have a thing for older guys. Or should I mention last team night here that I caught you petting Jack’s head because his hair is going grey.”

“I was not.”

“You were.”

“Not.”

“Were.”

“Dammit.” She totally had been and he’d beat a hasty retreat shortly after.

Daniel laughed.

“Ok I think it makes him look distinguished but that doesn’t mean I have a thing for older guys.”

“So it’s just a thing for Jack then.”

She threw a pillow at his head. “Shut up Daniel.”

But both noticed that she didn’t specifically deny it.

* * *

Two weeks later Daniel and Sam were sitting in his office after hours reading the latest installment of Wormhole X-treme! fan fiction.

“Do you think she writes him being that dumb on purpose?”

“Well, the character is kind of dumb.”

“Yah but please let it be an act because she writes Stacey as super smart for a fanfic writer yet Danning is barely above dragging his knuckles on the ground according to her.”

“Doctor Levant is insufferable.”

“Yah he is.” Sam laughed. “It’s like she doesn’t know what to do with him at all so she only uses him when she needs to aggravate someone or interrupt a romantic moment.”

“How long do you think it will take Monroe and Danning to just admit how they feel and go for it?”

“At this rate the UST is carrying it but if they don’t start making some progress I’m having words with the author.”

“Oh yah, we can contact them can’t we.”

“Yup. You know I think Danning acting dumb is an act.”

“Why though?”

“No idea but she seems to have some kind of plan going here.”

“She better. It would be pretty hard to make colonel and be THAT dumb.”

“Well it’s that or she thinks men are mostly idiots which I can get behind.”

“Hey!”

Sam laughed hysterically.

There was a knock on Daniel’s office door and it swung open as they quickly closed heir web browsers. “What are you two both still doing here? Go home.” Jack told them, making shooing motions.

“Why are you still here sir.” Sam demanded.

“Night duty. Walter called in sick.”

“Want me to stay in case there’s a problem?”

Jack thought about it a bit. “Sure. Why not. I’ll buy you breakfast on the way home in the morning.”

“Deal.”

“Great. Daniel. Go home.” Jack told him.

“All right, not much I can do by staying around anyway. Have a good night guys.” He grabbed his laptop and left Jack and Sam looking at each other.

“So.”

“So.”

“Wheelies in the general’s chair?”

“Race you there.” She told him and was off like a shot.

“That’s cheating! You know I have a bad knee!” he yelled after her laughing.

* * *

“Did you read it?”

“I did.”

“And?”

“Levant is super annoying.”

“Agreed. She needs to OC him in a girl friend. Something to keep him occupied.”

“Hah ha yah and not Grell because. No.”

“Well I wouldn’t mind if either seemed interested in each other that way in the actual show. I can kind of get behind the Danning Levant slash stuff. They seem awfully chummy for just friends.”

Sam laughed. “Janet.”

Janet laughed with her. “I know, I know but I can still see it.”

The unscheduled gate activation claxon blared. “That’s my ride.” Janet said.

“Yup. Mine too. Lets go check it out.” The both ran for the gate room from Janet’s office. The laptop forgotten.

* * *

The next story alert they got for Wormhole X-treme! they agreed not to read it until they were all at Janet’s house and Cassie was in bed.

“What kind of cheesy line is that?

‘He smiled at her gently. “I told you we’d be ok.” And he gently brushed his knuckles on her jaw.’

Who writes like that? How would that even work on a girl?”

“You could take pointers Daniel. No wonder you’re single.” Janet told him. “I think it was sweet and a little romantic.”

“Jack is single too.” Daniel groused.

“Jack is single because he’s crabby all the time.” Sam told him.

“That’s not why Jack is single.” Janet told Sam mater-of-factly. Sam blushed.

Daniel looked back and forth between them. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing.” Sam said quickly.

Janet poked Daniel in the ribs. Tell you later she mouthed.

Ohhhhh… Daniel nodded several times quickly.

“I’m right here you two.” Sam reminded them.

“Then why don’t you just tell me.” Daniel told her.

Sam crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

Janet decided to break up the silent argument. “What do you think of how she writes Grell?”

“Nails him.” Sam said.

“Agreed. Of all the characters she seems to have the best handle on Grell.

“You can literally hear his voice in your head.” Janet agreed.

* * *

“Why is she dating some random guy?”

“I have no idea but it’s clearly driving him up a wall. He should just tell her how he feels.”

“I bet there is some kind of plot twist coming.”

“Like what?”

“Like he’s an alien or an evil government guy trying to bring down the program.”

“I like those both.”

“Me too. He should still just tell her though. I know if it was me I would”

“You would what Daniel?” Jack sat down at their table in the commissary

“Discussing a character from a book we were reading.”

“Oh.” Jack entirely lost interest at that point. “anyone want to draw straws on who has to talk to the delegation from Borton?”

“Not it.” Daniel said quickly.

Sam looked like she was trying to chew off the insides of her cheeks. “I’d prefer not to sir.” She admitted.

“Come on, they only smell a little bit bad.”

“Sir, I’ve been on hog farms that smell better.”

“I’ll buy you a steak.”

“It better be a very expensive steak.” She told him in a warning tone.

“So I have a deal?”

“Fine.” She huffed. “But you’re buying me wine too.”

“Sold to the lovely lady in the blue BDUs!”

“Sucker.”

“Shut up Daniel. I got a free steak out of it.”

“Play your cards right and I’ll take you dancing after.” He said with a grin.

“Ok what aren’t you telling me sir.”

“Nothing.” He hedged.

“Sir.” Her voice held a warning.

Jack sighed. “Wekindahavetoattendawedding” he mumbled.

“What?”

“The ambassador’s daughter is getting married and part of the negotiations will be attending her wedding.” He tucked his chin down and mumbled again. “asacouple.”

Sam sighed and rolled her eyes. “I should have known.”

“Now I’m really glad I said not it.” Daniel told them both.

“Not helping Daniel.” Jack told him.

* * *

By the time They got back from P5L-142 DLM had not yet posted a new episode.

“What gives? She’s usually pretty on the ball.”

“Didn’t you read her profile? She said she had to go visit family for a wedding and wouldn’t be near a computer until tonight.”

“I didn’t think of that.”

She gave him a no kidding look.

“Speaking of weddings how was your date to the ambassador’s daughter’s?”

“Very nice. I even got the Colonel to dance a few times.”

“I’m just glad they signed the agreement. They really do need to work on their hygiene.”

She laughed. “Perhaps we could trade them medicine for soap.”

“I can hope.”

* * *

It was midnight when DLM uploaded her latest Wormhole X-treme! episode. Apparently she decided to work in her relative’s wedding because the whole story was about being forced to attend a military ball. They had put make-up on Grell so he’d look human and she went on at length about how stunningly beautiful Stacy looked in her green ball gown and how it set off her hazel eyes. The best part though had been the Colonel’s reaction. The guy had it bad. It was pretty cute. She bet the author wished a guy loved her like that or she had a total sap for a boyfriend. Now that she thought about it, she decided the latter. You don’t write a guy like that unless you had one in your life that acted that way. Lucky girl she thought at the screen.

The next morning she was sitting eating her breakfast on base when Jack joined her at the table with a tray full of fruit loops and fresh fruit.

“Mornin Carter.”

“Morning sir. Did you sleep well?”

“Like a dead man Carter. You?”

“Once I got done reading yup.”

“Let me guess. Scientific theory of black holes?” he asked grinning

“Nothing that deep I’m afraid.” She laughed.

“Oh? Do tell.” He said with amused interest.

“Oh, just a silly online novella.” She hedged.

“Anything I’d like?” He shoveled a couple spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth and started chewing.

“Probably not. It’s science fiction.”

“Carter, we live science fiction. Why would you want to read it to?” he asked her tiredly and ate some of his fruit.

She laughed. “Yah, I know. The author is pretty funny though. Have you ever heard of the web page Fan fiction dot net?”

Jack looked thoughtful for a moment. “Can’t say I have.”

“Oh, well it’s a place amateur writers make up stories about pop culture characters for other people to read.” She said smiling.

“You have some really weird hobbies Carter.” He said grinning. He didn’t mean it in a mean way. Jack had a couple weird hobbies himself and he wasn’t about to remind her about the time he caught her photoshopping grey hair onto MacWhateverguy to make him look more like a certain Colonel she may or may not have a crush on that he would deny knowing anything about whatsoever.

“Sometimes even my brain needs a break from science sir.”

“Since when?” he gave her a fake shocked look.

She grinned at him. Leave it to Jack to make her laugh at herself.

“Mornin guys.” Daniel mumbled as he walked up with two cups of coffee and an apple fritter on his tray.

“Hey Daniel. How was your night?”

“Short.”

“You got caught up in it too didn’t you?” she said chuckling.

“Carter, you’ve sucked Danny into your silly past time?”

“He knows about the?”

“Fan fiction. Yes.”

Daniel eeped as a foot contacted his shin. Apparently Sam didn’t want Jack knowing the specific story they were reading.

“I might have been texting Janet about it for a while after.” He hedged.

Jack laughed. “I’m surrounded.”

“What are you surrounded by O’Neill?” Teal’c asked as he finally sat with them.

“Weirdos Teal’c. All my closest friends are weirdos.”

“Would that not make you a weirdo also O’Neill?”

Jack gave Teal’c a suspicious glare out of the corner of his eyes and Sam bit back a laugh when Teal lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Don’t you dare giggle Carter.”

“No sir.” She said choking back a snicker.

* * *

“Ah ha ha they met little grey aliens that think Danning is hilarious. How does she come up with this stuff?” Daniel asked Janet in a text but Sam was having an entirely different reaction to the story. She read the next lines over trying to place why it sounded so familiar.

\--“This way sir” Monroe told him, heading down the dimly lit corridor.

“Monroe, how do you know your way around the ship already?” Nick asked her with admiration. She was smarter then him. Hell, she was smarter than most of the people he knew and Nick knew a lot of people.

“I studied the specs on our down time on Korsh sir.” She replied proudly as she peered around a corner, Zat gun up and ready for trouble.

“You sure know how to show a guy a good time Major.” He said grinning.

“I’m having a good time sir.” She admitted, her hazel eyes warm with amusement and something else that gave him hope.

“Atta girl.” He said with a grin. They cleared a corner and came upon one of the dead Raftans invading the Reticulan vessel. Danning kicked it over to make sure it was dead. “Ew. Smells like burnt chicken.”

Stacy laughed. “Sir…”--

I’ve… had this conversation. Why do I feel like I’ve had this conversation she wondered. But the setting seemed somehow wrong as did the plot. Like it was all jumbled up. She read the rest of the story and she had to admit it was well written but that conversation stuck in her head. She tried to think when she’d had a similar conversation and with who but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Shrugging she got ready for bed.

Her phone rattled on her night stand. Janet was texting her.

(What did you think?)

(Not bad. The aliens were a funny addition. I guess everyone likes the greys.)

(Yah that was pretty funny. Reminded me of Jack and Thor. Lol)

(Asher is a riot. I hope she writes him/her in again. DLM was kind of vague about it’s gender.)

(probably deliberate?)

(Or lazy.)

(Ha ha or lazy.)

(Indeed)

(lol)

(Daniel bets she will move on DM now as M seems to be reciprocating finally.)

(She was all along. Author is just subtle.)

(uh huh…)

(You had to be looking.) Janet insisted

(With a microscope.)

(Which is my specialty. Night Sam.)

(Night Janet. See you tomorrow.)

Had she been? Aw crap now I have to go back and reread the last four stories to figure out how she missed that.

An hour later she closed her laptop. Well crap. She HAD missed it and on reading it again DLM had been as subtle as a brick too. Monroe was VERY into Danning. Just really awkward about it. Sam could relate to that. Unfortunately.

* * *

“Arg! Why aren’t they doing anything yet?”

“Because I don’t think she knows what to write about it yet Daniel.”

“She’s writing them worse than Sam and-“

“SHHT!” Janet hushed him. “We’re at work.” She said fiercely even though they were in her office and the door was closed.

“They are though.” He said sulkily.

“Yes. They are. But it’s the same situation really so perhaps she’s trying to keep things realistic.”

“It’s a fan fiction. How does it matter if it’s realistic.”

“It just does. Part of what’s making it fun to read is she is keeping the players in character for the show and you read their lines in their voices but the other part is she doesn’t have them doing something they wouldn’t do on the show for the most part.”

“I guess so. I still don’t see how it matters that much. It’s not like she’s writing FOR the show.”

“It would be pretty funny if she did and this showed up on future episodes.”

Daniel laughed. “Jack would be mortified if he knew how his doppelganger was being portrayed like a love sick puppy.”

“Lately he’s been acting like one.”

“So I’m not the only one that noticed that huh.”

“Nope. They were ALL smiles when you guys came back from P5L-142 like they had been flirting all night.”

“Wouldn’t know. Teal’c and I stayed off to the side out of the way. “They danced a bunch of times together though and both of them were definitely having a really good time.” Daniel grinned. “Want to know something else? Jack is a really good dancer. He led Sam around the floor like she was Ginger Rodgers”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. It scored a lot of points with the ambassador. He made them both dance with the happy couple and teach them how to ballroom dance.”

“I wish I’d seen that.”

“I have video.” Daniel said with a small grin.

“GIVE!” Janet demanded.

“Go to dinner with me tonight and we’ll watch it at my place after.”

“Deal.”

* * *

Sam sat in her lab humming when Jack showed up looking for her. He tried to place the song because it was extremely familiar but couldn’t quite place it. It would come to him eventually. “how’s your doohickey?” he asked her, playing with her magnifying glass by making faces in it.

She laughed. “In pieces sir.” She admitted.

“No one likes a broken doohickey Carter.”

“It’s not broken. It’s just disassembled.” She fiddled with a couple wires under the crystal.

“What did it do before you broke it?”

“Darned if I know sir.”

He chuckled in return. “I had fun yesterday.” He finally told her.

She looked up and gave him a slow warm smile that lit up her face. “I did too.”

“Good. Um, I’ll leave you to your assemblage. I still owe you steak and wine.” He left grinning to himself. Half way down the hall he started whistling the tune she had been humming knowing he’d heard it before.

“O’Neill. Why do you whistle a song from My Fair Lady?” Teal’c asked him when he saw him later.

“I knew it was familiar.” Jack grumbled and then hoped Teal’c didn’t notice he knew a song from a classic romantic musical well enough to whistle it after only hearing a couple bars. The plot hit a bit close to home but her choice of songs to absently hum made him grin. He could have danced all night too had it only been with her.

* * *

“I think they are acting funny.”

“Do you think they?”

“What? No. All they ever do is make eyes at each other and make out when they get drunk.”

“Wait what?”

“Oh yah they think Teal’c and I are asleep.”

“And they never…”

“Nope. It’s gotten close enough a couple times they may as well have but they always pull back at the last minuet.” Daniel laughed. “Or fall asleep. This war ever ends they will crank out ten kids in a year.” He said with a grin.

“As your doctor I need to have a discussion with you about your understanding of the human reproductive system Doctor Jackson.”

“As a linguist I need to discuss your understanding of hyperbole Doctor Frasier.” He joked back.

“Get a room you two.” Jack groused at them as he sat down.

“Someone took his grumpy colonel pills this morning I see Jack.” Daniel said with a grin.

“They make those pills from my sweat.” Jack replied and shoveled Froot Loops into his mouth.

Teal’c joined them in a moment. “O’Neill, you are unusually unsociable this morning. Did you not sleep well?

Jack wasn’t about to admit his bad mood was due to Sam having to cancel their date this weekend because SG7 had brought back a neat new doohickey. “I slept fine.” Several bottle of beer later. “It’s just too early for how Jolly Daniel is this morning.” He looked around as if he’d just now noticed which was an act. “Where’s Carter?”

“Asleep in her lab last time I checked.”

“Dammit I’ve told her not to do that to herself.” Jack got up and made up a tray of stuff for Sam and stomped out of the commissary wearing an aggravated frown.

Daniel and Janet looked at each other wide eyed. “What do you suppose that was about?” Daniel asked.

“Daniel Jackson a fool would know what that was about.” Teal’c told him and Janet laughed.

* * *

“Carter.” He said softly and brushed her hair away from her face.

“Mermf.” Came out her mumbled reply.

“Wakey wakey.” Unable to stop himself he stroked his fingers through her hair again.

“Mmmm… feels nice.” She said sleepily. “Morning Jack.” She said, eyes still closed, not having moved from her position, slumped on her arms on her lab table.

Under different circumstances the husky sleepy way she’d just said that would have been the end of any professional distance for the rest of the morning. Seeing as they were in her lab however he just frowned at her and patted her shoulder. “It’s 0700 Carter. Why are you sleeping in your lab exactly like I’ve directly ordered you not to do?”

Her head popped up. “It’s what?”

“0700... as in morning. I’m not going to let you come play here over the weekend if you don’t sleep Carter.” His words were clipped but his motive was concern. He couldn’t have known she’d worked all night because she’d been disappointed to have to break their date this weekend.

“I’m sorry sir.”

“What was the last time you remember Carter?”

“Um… oh three hundred or so.” She admitted with a cringe.

He sighed. “Sam.” He said tiredly. “Eat. And then I want you to go lie down and actually sleep.”

“I’m ok sir.”

“Sure you are. Now eat your breakfast like a good major and then you are going to go to your quarters and lie down and sleep no less than four hours.”

She glowered at him.

He clearly didn’t care.

She heaved a sigh and gave in. She obviously wasn’t going to win this round and fighting him was just going to tick him off. She sat up and pulled the tray of food closer. He’d thoughtfully brought nothing that was going to get cold while he woke her up enough to eat.

* * *

While Sam slept a new episode of Wormhole X-treme! was uploaded. The plot had been pretty good. Visit an alien planet, get captured. Escape. Then somehow Major Monroe fell down an embankment and hit her head. Grell and Danning rescued her while Levant wrung his hands offering useless advise that wasn’t helping matters and ended with Grell carrying poor Stacy home where she lay in a coma with Nick refusing to leave her bedside until she woke up and DLM had made it a cliff hanger.

“ARG!” Sam growled and stomped off to Daniel’s lab. “Did you read it?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” was all she asked and he knew what she meant.

Janet popped in at that moment “Of all the cliché soap opera endings. Seriously? A coma?”

“I know!” Sam groaned. “Why? WHY?” she whined. A good yet goofy story was getting so trite so quickly.

“I think it’s kind of sweet.” Daniel said.

Two pairs of eyes turned and looked at him. One blue, one velvety brown. “Sweet?” they asked together incredulously?

“Well sure. We’ve done that without a second thought. We can’t be the only people that care about each other that much.”

“Ok, yes but still. A coma? I could see a concussion but a coma?”

“What if it’s a plot device?” Janet asked.

“What do you mean?” Sam asked her. Janet had been right about Stacy giving all signs of liking Danning back after all.

“What if it’s so he can sit there and pour his heart out to her without her running away like she usually does.”

Daniel and Sam looked at Janet like she was a genius.

She mumbled. “I read a lot of romance novels after my divorce.” She admitted.

Sam giggled.

“It’s not funny Sam.”

“It’s a little funny” Daniel admitted.

“I hate you both.” Janet told them.

“Speaking of hate, raise your hand if you think she hates Levant and that’s why she makes him useless all the time.” Sam asked.

Daniel and Janet raised their hands and all three of them laughed.

“I hate cliff hangers.” Sam groused.

* * *

“Holy crap he kissed her!” Janet squealed a week later in her office to Sam.

“She kissed him back too.” Sam giggled.

“Are we too invested?”

“Yah think?” Sam agreed and laughed again. “Janet.” She said thoughtfully.

“Yah?”

“Do you get the feeling DLM is someone inside the SGC?”

“I don’t think so. No one would be dumb enough to do something like that as it might get them in trouble.” She looked at Sam funny. “Why do you think it is?”

“Every once in a while the conversations seem familiar somehow, like I’ve heard them or had them before.”

“Well, Martin DID base the idea on SGC and he might have overheard stuff.”

“Possibly. I don’t know. I think it’s more than that. The interactions aren’t word for word but some of the things said between Danning and Monroe just feel… familiar.”

“You probably just watch the same TV programs.”

Sam narrowed her eyes in thought but didn’t say any more.

“Unscheduled offworld activation.” Came Siler’s voice over the PA.

“Break time is over.” Janet said.

“Yup.”

* * *

Sam thoughtfully tapped her pen on her lab table debating. The clues were all there now that she’d sat down and thought about them. The familiar conversations. The events aligning but not quite matching up. The silly sense of humor. Now she just had to find proof. She didn’t think confrontation would solve the problem or get her answers. They were too good a liar and it might hurt their friendship by putting them on the offensive. She would have to put her Colonel’s training to good use. She smirked at the irony.

It was easy really. She could hack most of the base and this door wasn’t generally locked unless the room had an occupant. Their laptop would be only one of two places. She had access to both.

It hadn’t been in the first room she tried but she hadn’t expected it to be. Thankfully she hadn’t been observed either and she’d set the cameras outside on a loop to go undetected. The office was her next stop and there it sat on a desk surrounded by unfinished paperwork. She smiled at the familiar scent of the room, a comforting combination of military base and paper and it’s regular occupant.

Little did they know she knew all their passwords. She smiled evilly. I know you have been doing this at work. There’s no other way you can post when you have.

What she had not counted on was the owner of the office having remembered they forgot that laptop and had signed back in to claim it so they could finish their latest story about Wormhole X-treme!.

Sam opened the web browser and sure enough, the author was still signed in. Gotcha she thought with a huge grin on her face. She was about to take a handful of screen shots and load them to a thumb drive when the office door opened.

* * *

“Carter?” Jack said in surprise.

“Sir.” She said with a huge grin on her face.

“What are you doing in my office Carter?”

“Oh… just a bit of... light reading…” and she turned his laptop so he could see exactly what she’d been reading.

He shut the door. “Ok. What is this going to cost me?”

“Much... much more than a steak dinner that you still owe me… sir.” And she grinned ear to ear.

* * *

“I can’t believe she just ended the series like that.” Daniel whined. “Now I have to find a new author.”

Sam shrugged. “At least she left a note that she was leaving writing due to her new situation. Lots of writers just stop and never finish anything. We got a last story out of it anyway.”

“Yah but come on. He quits and they get married? Who does that.”

Sam grinned and shrugged. He’d offered more than once over the years. It was a possible outcome though not one she’d choose.

“It’s lame Sam. Like she ran out of ideas or her husband told her she had to get a new hobby.”

Sam shook her head. She’d been willing to keep it quiet but he’d insisted sooner or later she’d get drunk and tell on him. Probably to Janet and Janet would tell Daniel who would tell absolutely everyone.

They had compromised by mutually blackmailing each other over a belated steak dinner. He wouldn’t divulge her trying to make MacGuydude look more like him with Photoshop and she wouldn’t tell anyone ever who Danning loves Monroe was. He told her it was that or he retired again. She’d threatened his life if he retired on her.

* * *

A few months later Sam noticed a new Wormhole X-treme! author posted their first story. Sam had no doubts who it was at all because he didn’t even try to pretend it wasn’t him. Considering the explicit descriptions of what Nick and Stacey did on their down time and sometimes off planet and once in a while in the base general’s chair not to mention the colonel’s office the last thing Sam was going to do was invite Janet and Daniel into the extremely fertile and vivid imagination he had regarding his desires for her.

They never spoke about it.

She did make a new profile though and liked and followed every single story he wrote. 

And she took a LOT of cold showers.


End file.
